I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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