Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
