Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
