that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
