google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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