I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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