you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
