how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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