I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize