I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
