To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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