I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
