I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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