I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
