WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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