Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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