I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How does one acquire holy water?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
