now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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