So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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