it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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