yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
