Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
