i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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