Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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