So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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