i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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