When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
