i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
