I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
