then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
