If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
