I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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