How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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