Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your penis caused this!
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