i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I got inside last night via doggy door
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
