24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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