I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
