wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
