Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize