Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
