The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
