I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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