I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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