Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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