New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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