I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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