Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize