it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
