There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
