Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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