That's intense
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
