I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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