Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
