i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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