sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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