I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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