Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
