dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
