Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
