I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
