Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just want nice things and good sex
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
