he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
