I wish I could punch you in the face.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
