Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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