It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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