Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
