WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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