There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
