I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
