Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
