You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
