Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
