these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize