she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
