I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
